Time To Make Changes AND Stick With It!

                                                                      18 Years Ago!

Allot has changed over the last 18 years.  I married my high school sweetheart, I have had 3 beautiful children all born by c-sections, I moved away from the town I spent my whole entire life in, I used to be a work a holic, I became a stay at home mom, now I work part time as an assistant children's director at my church (which I absolutely love by the way), etc.  All my life I have lived it for someone else, whether it be my parents, my teachers, my husband, my children, and everyone else in between.  I am not saying I don't like to be a crowd pleaser, I am saying I have never just went out and did something for myself without guilt or regret.  I chose this life and I wouldn't change it for anything.  I just want to make it better and do something for me.  When I was in Jr. High I was considerably over weight for my age.  I felt horrible, insecure about myself, and ugly.  Boys didn't like me, I didn't like boys (guess that wasn't a bad thing, but every girl wants to feel pretty), I just never felt pretty, just fat.  I thought I was okay with the way I looked until one summer when I decided to make some changes.  Well, those changes really wasn't for the better, but they worked.  Between my 9th and 10th grade year I decided to loose weight.  That I did, but I did it the wrong way.  I chose not to eat anything at all pretty much throughout the day.  I was busy enough with working and school that it was okay, I didn't miss eating because I was just too busy.  I began to loose weight and by the time school started again, I was happy with the way I looked and allot more secure about myself.  I even met this really nice guy and we started dating (yes, he's my husband now).  I loved the way he loved me for who I was and what I looked like.  He didn't think I was fat and he would tell me how pretty I was (you could only imagine how that made me feel), although he doesn't always tell me so much now after 18 years, but I know he still loves me!  After getting married, I found out I was pregnant and I gained allot of weight.  I had to have an emergency c-section to deliver my baby girl.  After having a c-section, I found it really hard to loose weight.  I couldn't do it.  I definitely didn't have the time to try.  I was a new wife, a new mom, and I worked.  I no longer had time for "me". Which I am not complaining, because this is what it's all about, putting others first.  Then a few years later came my first born son.  Again, I gained allot of weight and had another c-section.  Now I was doomed for ever loosing weight.  It was next to impossible.  5 years after my son was born, I found out we were having child number 3!  Another pregnancy, more weight, absolutely no time ever to myself, another c-section.  Now I have 3 c-sections behind me and no more babies to give birth to.  However, I have 3 very active and busy children.  So any time for myself has been thrown out the window.  I have tried diets, I have tried eating better, I have tried exercise, I have tried praying, etc.  The only thing I feel ever worked was the praying for motivation and exercising.  I did loose about 30 pounds doing that, but then I let life get in the way again.  I got out of the habit and started putting on a little bit of that weight I worked hard at loosing.  I see these small fit people that eat tons of junk or eat out constantly and never put on a pound, and I am jealous of them ( I know I shouldn't be, but it's hard not to be and I am only human), I don't understand why they don't have to worry about their weight and health and I do.  It's just not fair.  Allot of my family is over weight so I don't have much of a chance to be like those other people.  I have tried going to a gym before, but I just wasn't in to it like I should have been, maybe my attitude wasn't right at the time, I don't know.  All I know is that it wasn't working for me.  So now our family has joined a gym we can all go workout at together, or girls and boys, what ever we feel like doing, as often and , when ever we like.  The gym is a 24/7 workout facility, so there isn't really an excuse why we can't go.  Plus I think it will give us quality time with our children or one on one time with each of them.  M is too little right now to workout, but he can go and hang with us.  Maybe it will be good for him to see us trying to make better life changes and encourage him to do the same when he is older.  The older kids are pumped about the membership to the gym.  This is something they have been begging to do for quite sometime now.  We just never got around to checking it out or really wanting to spend the money each month for a membership.  I am not going to get hopes up just yet, but I am praying that with God's help we can do this!  We need to make changes, healthy changes, all of us.  We can't do this alone.  It is so easy to quit!  I wish it weren't so.  I am hoping that with a support group and God of course, we can stick with this.  I alone need to loose several pounds, and I am praying for the will power and strength to keep it up.  This was only day 1 of the rest of my life. I am doing this for ME ME ME ME ME!  This is something new for me, so I am hoping it works out in my favor.  I would love to look in the mirror and love what I see, I would love to step on the scale and be happy with the numbers, I would love to buy me some new clothes and not feel guilty or ashamed because of the size I have to buy.  Please, Lord help ME, help US! WE CAN DO IT!!!  I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!!! Philippians 4:13

             About 2 Years Ago